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For years I passed them by at unreadable speeds. Too many words. Print
too small. Even slow village speeds were too fast to get more than a word
or two. Out of the village limits on the shoulderless country roads, I
noted every official sign, but could not read a word. As a public service,
I have made the exertions necessary to be able to stand in front of every
sign. I have copied below in a random order the text of every historical
sign within the town limits.
Cow Strike
Forty-eight cows on the near rise died when lightning struck their oak in
1956. This is a record for holsteins for one electrical discharge. Wire
services carried the story and a picture of inverted cows. The farmer was
quoted as saying, "Being cooped up in a barn is no life for a cow."
Coffee
In this diner a teenager on his first professional errand mis-supposed that
"coffee, regular" was "coffee, black" and, upon returning to the diner to
add cream and sugar, was razzed by several acquaintances and friends of
friends.
Invention of the 2 by 4
In a sawmill then on this site, the 1 & 1/2 by 3 & 1/2 inch "2-by-4" was
invented by two Polish-born entrepreneurs--Rod and Ed Kozlowski--in 1929.
The wood was spruce, and this discreet innovation became the industry
standard in only two years. The Village Community Pool was named after
these philanthropists.
The Black River Tragedy
On this stretch of the Black River in 1947, three obese, elderly men,
cousins in the Trenholm family, drowned while trout fishing in a borrowed
canoe. The dark, tea-colored water hid them for three days.
Growth Medicine
In this frame house lived the first parents in New York State to beg for
portions of brain from the day's dead at a hospital in 1950. The hospital
was forty miles away in the city. These bits of brain were used to harvest
hormones needed to help their daughter grow. Advances in hormone synthesis
have ended such transactions.
The Tethering Place
In 1965 from New Year's Day to Independence Day, a woman chained her
husband to an eye-bolt that she cemented to the middle of the floor of this
garage. By this device, he was cured of drink. Rumors of this captivity
were common. No one meddled.
Glad about Fools?
The characterization "He does not suffer fools gladly" was used for the
first time in 1882 in this village at this corner. Three other speakers of
English were present, and the sentence was stored in their minds as
squirrels do nuts for winter.
The Kris Accident
This hayfield, the one up on the hill above the low pasture, in 1969 was
the location of the worst farm accident in three counties. Otto Kris got
his arm crushed in a hay-bailing machine. Some gears on the machine
munched the arm like celery. He was alone in the sunny field. The breeze
was blowing away from the house. His family could not hear his shouts. He
and his family moved to town.
The Wheelock Block
Fire here flattened a handsome block of brick three-story buildings built
in 1874. The fire began in the hardware store and spread to the barbershop
and bank. The balance of the look of the center square of the village was,
thus, lost and was not restored by the replacement with a parking lot and
modern supermarket.
"The Gingerbread House"
This Victorian house (a.k.a The Gingerbread House) contained the
possessions and person of Mrs. Eustace Shirley. Given her reputation for
selfless thoughtfulness and her popularity as an object of gifts, her heirs
found it hard to tell which of her belongings were actual treasures of hers
or god-awful consequences of her politeness.
Deer Dip
At this dip in the road, a retired couple struck a deer with their Buick.
The man--a long-time deer hunter--was shaken by the unplanned splattering of
deer across the front of his car. He did claim the remains, as was his
right by New York State law. The woman, who had not driven for 25 year,
drove them home.
Infection
In 1922, Wave Hinckley, an auburn-haired beauty of 36 died from a bladder
infection that over-ran her kidneys. Her husband--the unknowing cause of
the infection--refused to join the death-watch and went to bed. Despite the
husband's refusal to pay, the doctor arranged for a nurse to sit with the
woman and her children. The children hid under the kitchen table.
Halloween Polonaise
Here lived a Polish immigrant from 1928 to 1970, Joe ("Joe The Russian")
Piekarski, who tried to change the Halloween customs. In his homeland,
families paraded by candlelight to the graveyard and placed candles on the
graves of their ancestors. He explained that the glow from the cemetery
was lovely. Some of his immediate neighbors gave it a try, but they did so
in costume and were put-off by his insistence that they just light up the
Catholic section of the cemetery. This Eastern European custom did not
take root.
Love in the Afternoon
In this house in 1958, a philanderer was deeply scratched during illicit
love-making. Eight trenches (4 and 4) were scrapped from his backbone to
his sides. She blamed the passion he had kindled. His wife failed to notice.
Man and Dog
At daybreak the owner of this house surprised his pet dog--a redbone coon
hound known for his volatility--at the doorway of the dog's house, by
appearing on all fours cloaked in a bear-skin. The dog and man were spared
from conflict by the strength of the dog's chain. The man was amused; the
dog was not. The date was 1982.
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