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Attention 136A: Please Listen Up |
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Dear Sleep Workers of 136A: If your eyes itch from staring at the screen or accumulate too much sand, remove them from their sockets and scratch them. We did not come to your workspace and completely upgrade your face only to watch you disregard your monitoring equipment. It is better to scratch your eyes and perhaps buff them up a bit than to let them fester in your sockets and itch. Neglect can result in a wandering eye, causing a worker to unwittingly participate in bouts of unauthorized milk feasting. To prevent scratching, you may choose to lop off your hands. Recent advances in implant technology have made keyboarder digits unnecessary. Besides which, they are frequently the cause of illicit behavior such as snack filching and sleep fondling. All too often unwholesome activity will have its source in a wayward hand. Young nap learners may wish to play hide the severed fist or engage fellow workers in a game of foot juggling. |
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